Last weekend, I saw the new babies in our family for the first time. 2 of our cousins had babies after Tyler was born (one was born the next day!). I was really worried about how hard it would be for me to see and hold them, but when I saw them, held them and looked at their sweet faces, I felt nothing but joy, happiness, and thanks for them. It was not at all like I was expecting it to be!
The next night, Donna talked me in to going to the mall with her and Kala to get Kala's glasses fixed. When I got in the backseat of her car, I sat on a box of cd's, and being nosy like I am, I picked them up to see what she had. It was a set on Grace from Duane Sheriff - a pastor in Ok who is really good. I told her I needed to hear that so she let me borrow them. It is so funny how God brings you the things you want to hear. It has really opened my eyes to the things God is doing for me. A friend just blogged about grace and I see that my e-votional for tomorrow is about grace!
Grace is the ability that God gives us to do or be what we cannot do with our own human ability. God's grace is what allowed me to feel love and not pain when I saw Lily and Molly. God's grace has given me this strange sense of peace and acceptance I have had about losing Tyler. I have lost count of the weeks and Thursdays and Mondays have passed without me noticing - and I am ok with all of that!
2 Corinthians 12:9 Jesus told Paul "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." I have read and heard this a million times and it's nothing I really stopped to understand. When we are weak, we don't have our own power to overcome. God's grace gives us the perfect strength to overcome our weakness. Our weakness can be grief, doubt, sin, or even our struggles to be a godly wife and mother. I know that this peace and motivation I have had has been from God. There is no other explanation for why I have scrubbed the grout in the bathroom floor, painted the boys' room, bought and assmbled their bunkbeds and cooked dinner just this week. I asked God for the grace to be a better wife and mother because I don't do a very good job of it on my own. Now I understand about feeling joy in suffering - it makes me thing of the poem "Footprints in the Sand". I know that God is carrying me through this.
I am not one to talk about God, I actually had lost touch with him for a long time. I think that is why this is so exciting for me to see him working in this situation and I just want to share it with everyone. 1 Corinthians 15:10 "But by the grace of God I am what I am . . .yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me."
Thank you God for your amazing grace, for blessing me with Tyler, and for easing the pain of his loss.
2 comments:
I am so glad you enjoyed the cd's. The verse that God's grace is sufficient has gotten me through and made me straighten up when I get whinny and feel like life is being unfair. I realize that in the overall grand scheme of things that all that really matters is God's grace. Without it, we are nothing. His Grace strenghtens us, carries us and saves us from eternal damnation. When we are weak is when God shines for all will know that we could not do the task alone in our weakness, but with God ALL things are possible. It is this way that He receives the Glory and others can witness His wonder! It is everything to us if we will remember to stop and receive it.
Sorry,,, didn't mean to preach. It's just such a powerful message in that one verse and when I really stop to think about it, I get overwhelmed!
after re-reading this, I know you understand but I will say this anyway. I realize that my bad day and my whinning does not compare to your loss nor would I try to compare them. But that was my point. When I'm down and whinny I realize that in comparison to others and in comparison to God's grace my whinning is small and insignificant! I love you, Mark and the boys and I miss what could have been.
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