Rainbows

Well, I've got a years worth of posting to do :)
Have I gotten on my soapbox about "rainbow" babies? I always hated that term, but this puts it so well. When that baby is born alive, the storm is not over!!! There is not some magical healing or transformation that takes place. For me, it reopened all my grief and everything Gunner did I wondered if Tyler would have done that, looked like that or smelled the same. I was convinced that he was going to die (PTSD anyone?)
Gunner has been a tremendous joy in our lives and having him forced me to keep move forward. My life stopped for over a year when Tyler died, but having Gunner forced me to start living again. That's what a "rainbow" does- it's immense beauty in brightness in the midst of a dark and scary time. And that brightness is now running through the house naked, covered in bubbles and trying to shoot his brothers. See? Forcing me to keep moving forward, can't stay here long

Poem

I don't blog here often enough. I have so much I want to say but it takes so much to get to that place, I find myself just pushing it away. With his 4th birthday coming up, the funk is settling in and I've been looking through notes I've saved for the blog posts I never get around to. Anyway, I found this poem and it's a good one


We cannot care for you the way we wanted, or cradle you or listen to your cry;
but separated as we are by silence, our love will not die.

We cannot watch you growing into childhood, and find a new uniqueness every day;
but special as you would have been among us, forever you still will stay.

So through the mess of anger, grief and tiredness, through tensions which are not yet reconciled,
we give to God the worship of our sorrow and you, our dear child.

Lord, in your arms which cradle all creation we rest and place our baby beyond death
believing that she now, alive in heaven, breathes with your own breath.

By John Bell