Broken Hearts

I came across a CD set of lessons from Duane Sheriff (http://www.dsheriff.org/ cds are available for free) on "Healing Broken Hearts". These are notes off of 6 cds that I listened to and jotted down in the car so I hope they make sense. I am sharing this for 2 reasons, 1 is for me so I can remember and 2 I know that I am not the only one in DeadBabyMama Land to question God and how in the world He fits into this mess. I still have a lot of questions, but slowly He is leading me to the places where I can find some answers.

Definition of broken: crush completely, shatter to pieces, bruised deeply
Definition of heart: thoughts, minds, feelings

Prov 4:23 "Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life."
Prov 17:22 "A merry heart does good like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones"
Prov 14:30 " A sound heart is life to the body . . ."
Prov 15:13 "A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"

You can't carry brokenness of heart and have a functional life. Unresolved brokenness can make you dysfunctional and affect you physically (aches and pains, anxiety, depression).
My heart was broken after Tyler died, really it was shattered. I couldn't move, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. I was non-functioning for quite awhile. I was lost. It wasn't until I started looking for the good and searching for God that things began to get better.


How to get healed

Ps 34:18 " The Lord is near those who have a broken heart, and saves such as are crushed in spirit"
Ps 147:3 "He heals the broken hearted and binds up their sorrows"
Luke 4:18 "He has sent me to heal the broken hearted . . . "
Isaiah 61:1-8 "The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me, Because the LORD has anointed Me To preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted . . . To comfort all who mourn, To console those who mourn in Zion, To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness . . ."

1. I must realize there is healthy (Godly) and unhealthy (worldly) sorrow
1 Thess 4:13-18 "But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus. . . Comfort one another with these words."
Worldy sorrow is destructive. Grief becomes a security blanket and stifles you
Godly sorrow works repentance or change, reminds us of the beauty of life, causes us to shuffle our priorities, and makes us sensitive to others.
2 cor 7:9 " . . . but that your sorrow led to repentance. For you were made sorry in a Godly manner . . . For Godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted, but the sorrow of the world produces death."
I am not to sorrow as those who "have no hope", I will see Tyler again. There is a time to mourn, but it shouldn’t consume me
Eccl 3:1,2,4 "To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: A time to be born and a time to die; a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance"
Eccl 7:1-8 the day of death is better than the day of your birth . . . Sorrow is better than laughter for by a sad countenance the heart is made better.
I know Tyler is so much better off in heaven than he would have been on earth. He is up there where it is perfect, peaceful and he will never have to know pain and sorrow.


2. I have to recognize that I am not alone.
Satan uses that trick to lock us into bondage "nobody understands". Others have been through anything I am going through. God brought them through and he will bring me through too. This is something that struck me b/c right after my loss, I had all these weird thoughts and I just knew something was wrong with me b/c I was thinking that way. I was so comforted to know that so many other women were thinking the exact same things. The devil wanted me to feel alone, isolated and broken.
1 Peter 5: 8-9 "Be sober, be vigilant, because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world."


3. I need to adopt the eternal view vs the worldly view
We can focus on our hurt and lose perspective. We let that hurt consume our life and then we interpret the rest of our life in light of our hurt. It's like looking in the different ends of binoculars - the object your looking at doesn't change, but the perspective does.I need to look at things that are eternal. The hurt and pain of this life will pass, but we will live in the glory of God for eternity.
Romans 8:18 "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that shall be revealed in us" Praise God! How great is His glory that it's greatness doesn't even compare to my suffering?!
2 Cor 4:17-18 "For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things that are seen are temporary, but the things that are not seen are eternal."

4. God is not guilty - He did not do this to me
I really struggled with this one. I thought God caused this for some reason and that it was His will that I had dead baby. I thought He was trying to teach me a lesson, that He knew the future better than me and did it for a greater good, etc. God has nothing to do with the bad things that happen to us. He especially doesn't NEED any babies in heaven. That stuff is comforting for a little while until the resentment builds up. He IS in control, but isn’t controlling everything that happens to us. He allows things to happen that he doesn’t will. If you think He does it, how can you trust Him to heal you? He doesn’t do bad things as a “blessing in disguise” Curses on Israel weren’t blessings in disguise, they were punishment. Under Mosaic Law, God’s wrath was revealed, but Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law. Jesus bore our sins and God’s wrath and punishment for our sins so God can be merciful to us. We are not under law any longer, we are under God’s grace. Faith works by love and when you are able to see God’s love for you and that he had nothing to do with the bad that you can embrace Him and He will embrace you and heal you.
John 10:10 “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come so that they might have life, and that they have it more abundantly.”
For example: a man has an affair on his wife. He repents and comes to God and as a result his marriage is better than it has ever been. God didn’t will him to sin, but when he repented and turned to God, He brought good out of it. Romans 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.” God didn’t kill Tyler to bring me closer to Him, I turned my heart to God and He worked good out of that horrible situation.

1 Thess 5: 16-18 “ Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. There was a whole another post on this one

5. By Faith
2 Cor 1:3 “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”
Ps 30:2-5 “O Lord my God, I cried out to you, and you healed me. O Lord, You brought my soul up from the grave; You have kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit. Sing praise to the Lord . . . Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” I didn't know "the pit" was biblical!


It is ok to have a broken heart, especially over something as unnatural as losing a child, but God doesn't want us to stay broken. We can't be full of His spirit when we are broken. He wants to heal us and work good things through the bad, and bring up beauty from the ashes of our lives. In turn, He wants us to pass on the comfort He has given us to others who need it.

Praise God! I will always love and miss Tyler, but thank you for healing my brokenness and
thank you for being a God of comfort, love and mercy.