I just "am"

I was laying in bed last night trying to think of words to describe how I feel right now. My roller coaster is flat, I'm not up, I'm not down, I just am. Then I got to thinking about boxing. I feel like a boxer that has had the crap punched out of him and was knocked to the ground. He comes up fighting, but can't quite orient himself and get his feet back under him b/c the blow was so hard and caught him by surprise. It takes him a few minutes of stumbling around trying to get his bearings, but he continues to fight and becomes more steady as time goes on. I have come up fighting, I still just can't quite get my bearings and get my feet solid underneath me but I will.





This morning I was thinking about how, as much as this sucked, I don't think I would wish it never happened. I have learned so much about God's love and his will that I don't think I could have seen any other way. It's like the dumb mistakes you make when you're young, you hate them and would give anything to go back and undo them until you are older and realize that they have made you who you are. Am I happy that my baby died? No, but I am happy that it was able to make a positive impact on my life. Coincidentally, this was the verse from the e-votional this morning:



I Corinthians 12:7-10
"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassing great revelations, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."