Man I really feel like an ass. Everytime someone asked me if I wanted a boy or a girl, my answer was that I didn't really want either one. I guess that's what I got. Tyler was a surprise and I was so stressed about how I would handle 3, where we would put a baby and all the stuff that comes along, and how our lives would be tied down for the next few years. All that on top of the fact that I had a horrible feeling about this pg.
Right now, I am trying to figure out why it is exactly that I want to have another baby, and why finding out that he may have been a girl made those feelings more intense. I had kind of made my peace with not having anymore, and now having another one is all I think about. I know it's not to replace Tyler, but am I trying to feel the void he left? Is it just that it was the track I was on and the direction I was heading before it got derailed. I want to make sure that if we do decide to try again that it's for the right reason - or is there a wrong reason? I don't know.
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