Good News!

After 9 tests, I have discovered that I AM PREGNANT!!! (Yes, I said 9!) I know, I was shocked too! I just can't believe it. I am so thankful to God, I feel like he really answered my prayers, but then I wonder why He hasn't answered the prayers of so many of my friends who have been trying so hard to get pregnant again. I feel guilty b/c we weren't really trying. I know I shouldn't, but I feel really bad b/c I know that everyone that gets pg so easily is another punch in the gut.
I always told myself that if I ever got pg again that I would enjoy every single minute of it. When I was pg with Tyler, I was worried about our house being too small, how the boys would handle it, how I would handle it and most of you know I wasn't very excited - I just had a really bad feeling. I am not doing that again, I want to love and enjoy this baby as long as I have it and I pray that it will be born alive and healthy.
I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not scared b/c I am terrified. I don't know why God let Tyler die so I don't know that He won't let this baby die too. I am just praying that it's His will for this baby to be ok and keep telling Satan to get away from me. I haven't called the Dr yet, I needed a few days to let it all sink in before I start worrying about numbers and all that fun stuff. I plan on calling him this week though. My Zoloft runs out tomorrow and I don't thikn this is the time to go cold turkey! I'm down to 12.5mg so I may just stay on it since stopping it does such weird things to me. Please keep us all in your prayers - I know that Mark is having a hard time being excited this time, but I completely understand.
To all my BBC friends, sorry if I drop more out of sight for awhile, I just have to stay in my happy place. And for those of you who know me in real life, this isn't something I'm ready to share with everyone yet, so it's just our little secret . . .