I had my tub.es tied 2 weeks ago and I feel so horrible for doing it. I don't regret it at all but there are so many of my friends who want babies so bad and aren't getting them. It's not fair. I'm somewhat embarrassed. It's one of those things that will jab someones hurting heart and I hate it. But I guess it's better than the jab would be if I got pg again and had a nervous breakdown over it! Then I found out that all this time I've only had 1 tube and the good one had endome.triosis and other stuff on it. All 4 of my kids were miracles (I already knew that in other ways). I don't think there's any way I should have gotten pg so easy. Why did I get 4 when all some people want is 1? know this probably doesn't make any sense but I had to get it off my chest. I guess I'm feeling something kind of like survivors guilt and an embarrassment of riches.
The reason I had it done can be summed up in 1 word- anxiety. I lived in constant fear of getting pg again and I just can't do it again. Anxiety seems to be my new friend these days whether it's over me, my kids, my husband or friends. I have 2 close irl friends and a bloggy friend that are pg and I am literally sick when I think about them and hoping that they are ok. Man, I need to get a grip! Life is wonderful don't get me wrong, this is just my place to let out all the deep dark stuff. Please check in on the happy side too www.shipmankids.blogspot.com
-- Post From My iPhone
1 comment:
This explains. so. much! Why you'd been quiet. The anxiety is insane, nearly literally but don't feel guilty. You know that you were given all 4 kids as a gift, each one serving a different purpose in your life... a very necessary purpose obviously. xoxo
Post a Comment