Actually he was 1 in millions - literally. We went in and met with the high risk Dr today. He told us that if Dr Carrington wasn't such a reputable Dr, he wouldn't have believed his report. Tyler's cord was not only twisted, it was twisted so tightly that it was coming apart. He said there was no doubt that this is what caused his death and there was nothing that could have prevented it. He said he had only heard about this 1 time and it was in the back of some obscure medical journal he was reading. He said this wasn't related at all to Danner's 2 vessel cord or his cord being knotted and around his neck, and those things weren't related either. Just a bunch of random stuff that happened to randomly happen to us. He was more concerned about calcifications on Danner's head than he was anything else. (I didn't remember that). He didn't see any problems or any reason why we shouldn't try again. Preterm labor was all that he was concerned about and he said that really wasn't concerning to him because it was coming on so late in the pregnancy and we were able to go to 36 weeks. That doesn't worry me at all b/c I know I'm in good hands, I just worry about all the other stuff. He basically said to just worry about what can be fixed and let the rest of the stuff work its way out. I feel relieved knowing exactly what happened and getting a little more detail. Now what?
It's up to Mark - he doesn't want to try again and I completely understand why. I mean what sane person would want to run the risk of going through this hell again? Why would he want to put up with a freaking out hormonal woman for months to end up with a screaming pooping baby? What on earth makes me WANT to do that again? I have no idea, I keep asking myself those same questions and the only answer I can come up with is that I just do. I don't want to replace Tyler, I think I just want to go back and enjoy every minute of being pregnant and love that little baby with all my heart for no matter how long it lasts. I don't want to go out a loser. It's like coming in last place in the Olympics - no one wants to end their career like that. It makes you more determined to come back tougher and win a medal. I don't want to have any regrets.
1 comment:
Kara~ I love your Olympics reference. That makes so much sense to me. I feel this need to have another baby. Not to replace the one I lost, but to complete our family. I understand. My DH is not on board either, but I'm confident he will be.
Thinking of you.
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